We’ve had way too many straight-faced poems going here,
time for a good laugh!
I came across this quotes, i dont know but kindda funny though, or is it just me??
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you
should make lemonade… And try to find
somebody whose life has given them vodka,
and have a party.
I found there was only one way to look thin:
hang out with fat people.
A successful man is one who makes more
money than his wife can spend. A successful
woman is one who can find such a man.
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and
becoming a cabdriver.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing
A day without sunshine is like, you know,
Between two evils, I always pick the one I
never tried before.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour
seems like a second. When you sit on a red-
hot cinder a second seems like an hour.
Two things are infinite: the universe and
human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the
As a child my family’s menu consisted of two
choices: take it or leave it.
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that
would triple its value every year. I told him,
“At my age, I don’t even buy green
The first time I sang in the church choir; two
hundred people changed their religion.
The day I made that statement, about the
inventing the internet, I was tired because
I’d been up all night inventing the
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing
annoys them so much.
Always end the name of your child with a
vowel, so that when you yell the name will
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I
realize I should have been more specific.
Everybody knows how to raise children,
except the people who have them.
P. J. O’Rourke
I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to
be there when it happens.
Anyone who says he can see through
women is missing a lot.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
A vegetarian is a person who won’t eat
anything that can have children.
All generalizations are false, including this
If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As
you grow older it will avoid you.
My fake plants died because I did not
pretend to water them.
Any kid will run any errand for you, if you
ask at bedtime.
People who think they know everything are
a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius
and it’s better to be absolutely ridiculous
than absolutely boring.
Some government workers are dedicated
and work hard, but most of them are just
waiting to retire.
There are only three things women need in
life: food, water, and compliments.
Fashions have done more harm than
All the candy corn that was ever made was
made in 1911.
If you’re gonna be two-faced at least make
one of them pretty.
Everything that used to be a sin is now a
A James Cagney love scene is one where he
lets the other guy live.
First the doctor told me the good news: I
was going to have a disease named after
It’s amazing that the amount of news that
happens in the world every day always just
exactly fits the newspaper.
I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with
Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?
Today you are You, that is truer than true.
There is no one alive who is Youer than You.
Have a good day! 😀 😀 😀